Just Two Cuts
by thefaultinourfunnystory
Summary: After suffering for so long, 15 year old Nicki does an irreversible act. An act that gets her sent to the psycho ward where she meets and befriends Craig and Noelle. She, just like Craig, has an interesting journey during her stay and will never be the same afterwards. Warning: Rated M for themes of suicide, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and other similar issues.
1. Chapter 1

Just two cuts. Two. Then all this will be over. I won't have to suffer anymore. I won't have to deal with the disease called life. Two cuts with this knife and it will all be okay. Two. I've been preparing for this for so long. It really isn't that difficult. Take the knife, slit each of my wrists, and bleed out till I die. Simple. But if it's so simple why is it so hard?

I've been sitting here on my floor, knife in hand, for ten minutes contemplating this. Why do I have second thoughts now? After I've been planning to do this for a month or two. I honestly don't know how long. Time all blended together. Each day just another day I must suffer.

Now I have a chance to end this suffering and I'm hesitating. Why? I'm weak, ugly, stupid, and never good enough. That's why. This is one thing I will be strong enough to do though.

Tip of knife on wrist. Slowly push the knife into my skin. The pain. It's a welcome feeling. It actually feels good. Drag knife through wrist. I'm laughing now. It feels so good. Feeling the blood coming out of my slit wrist. Seeing it stain the carpet red. I don't know why I ever doubted doing this.

One wrist left. One. I take a look at the knife. It's stained red form my other wrist. That's my blood on the knife. The thought makes me smile. Tip of knife on other wrist. Stab the knife into my skin. Yank it across my wrist. Laugh.

This is the best I've felt in forever. Feeling the blood drip form my body onto the carpet. Feeling life leaving my body. Everything getting blurry.

Then I see my dad run in. Call someone and come hold me with tears running down his face. "Hold on" he's telling me, "Please don't die." I tell him to let me die. That it feels amazing. Then everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

Out of nowhere everything suddenly becomes white. Blindingly white. So white that my eyes are burning even though they are closed. Why are they closed? And why is everything white? Is this what heaven looks like? Or is it what hell looks like? Probably hell since there's no way that I'm going to heaven. I've done too much fucked up shit in my life to go to heaven. Is this how I'm going to pay for my "sins" on earth? Having my eyes burned out by this white light? I hope not since I'll just become even crazier.

But wait… the lights becoming less bright. Are those voices I hear? Is hell not just this bright light? Are there like people in hell who I can socialize with? Will this be better than my shitty life on earth? Though that voice sounds awfully like my mom.

That's not possible though, right? I mean I killed myself. I saw the world disappear and go black. Maybe I was too late though. Maybe the ambulance arrived before I had completely died. Maybe I'm still alive. I really hope that I'm not still alive. I don't think I'll ever be able to face my mom and dad again. I'm also not capable of going back to being that weak, ugly, stupid, and never good enough girl again.

Things are staring to come back into focus. I see a bunch of white squares and hear a ton of beeps. Why won't they just shut the fuck up? Then I see my mom leaning over me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so glad you're alive. Everything's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. I promise you my beautiful, smart little girl. Hold on baby, it's all gonna be ok," I hear my mom choking out through the tears. While I know it's a bunch of bullshit, it still hurts to know that I caused my parents so much pain and that they're so naive. Just another thing to add to the list of the failures of my life.

Then some obnoxious person, I assume a doctor, came in and asked my parents to leave. After more tearful goodbyes, it was finally just me and Mr. Mystery Guy. After pulling up a stool, quite loudly might I add, he started her speech.

"So my name is Dr. Maria. I'm one of the many doctors we have here in the psychiatric ward. After many of our patients who come here after suicide attempts wake up, they tend to be upset that they're not dead and in heaven or hell. They also tend to think that every time someone says that they're glad you're alive that it's total BS. I truly am glad you're alive. If not because I think you're a wonderful young lady than because it gives me a job and it brings some of the other teens here a new companion. You're going to be stuck here with us for at least a month. Our goal here is to show you how much you have to live for and to help you out of your depression while rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence. I know it seems impossible right now, but I guarantee you, by the time you get out of here you will be a fully functional human being again. You might not be able to see your parents for the next few days as we try to stabilize you so you won't attempt suicide again. Hopefully you will find some positive meaning in everything I just said. I'll be back in about an hour. Good luck coming back from the land of in-between."

Out of that mouthful I got a few things. One- I actually kind of like this doctor and two- they are going to have a hell of a time trying to "fix me." Apparently I have an hour to just lie here and "try to return from the land of in-between." Fun!


End file.
